So about 3 or 4 weeks ago Jesse decided he no longer wanted the wonderfulness of my breast. That is to say he no longer would nurse. He would in the morning and maybe once during the day but that's about it. Now many of you know I have not had an easy time with breastfeeding but I think I have persevered and done what I could to make it work. So I just pumped and pumped and pumped. Well as of last week he won't nurse at all. I put him in the position to nurse and he screams. After a week of this I decided my little boy may need to be weaned. Now I know nursing for a year is great and some do longer than that but I just couldn't handle the stress of it all. Plus when I did pump I was getting next to no milk. And let me tell it you it wasn't for lack of trying. So yesterday I decided not to pump at all. (for the past week I have only been pumping twice a day) An low and behold what do I wake up with this morning...soggy pajamas! That hasn't happened in months! Then I tried to nurse Jesse thinking well I am full it will be easy for him to get the milk out. He wanted no part of it, of course, so I proceeded to the bottle. When he was done with his bottle I sat him up to burp him and what do I find that I am soaking wet, again! I had leaked through another shirt! So first I make no milk and now I am overflowing with it. This is driving me crazy! But again he won't nurse, so it doesn't really matter how much I leak everywhere if he doesn't want it. Is this normal when you go off breastfeeding? I am just frustrated beyond belief. Please don't give advice that is, "oh just keep breastfeeding...stick it out." I have stuck it out Jesse is done with it, I just want to make sure soreness and leakage is part of weaning. I really wanted to make it to 6 months but my dreams of having the perfect breastfeeding baby were never meant to be. I realized this the day I bought my expensive pump that I have had to use ever day since we brought Jesse home just to keep my milk production up. So I am done with nursing which is very sad. I didn't think I would be so sad considering it has almost been a battle to get him to do it in the first place. But it means he is growing and that special time only we could have is gone. (tear) Oh the plus side he is getting so fun! As evident by this picture, grabbing his feet and sometimes trying to put them in his mouth. Unbelievably cute! He laughs and smiles when he hears my voice. I was reading some of my posts I wrote the first few weeks and I know I was miserable but you were all right...it gets soooooooooooo much better. Better than I could ever imagine. I never thought I could love anyone this much. He smiles and my day is instantly better. How do they do that? Anyway also wanted to thank all you moms who have encouraged me these past months. I am not saying stop, but the first months are harder than anyone can explain. The second baby is easier...right??? 
5 comments:
You are a great mom Andrea! And Jesse looks so long with his body folded in half in this picture! Jesse "daddy long legs" Marlow!
From my nursing experience (nursing as in being a nurse, not nursing a baby) I can say that soreness is very normal when weaning. I can't speak to the leaking, although logically that seems normal, and I can't say how long it will take for it to stop. I'm so helpful! Ha, I'm proud of you for all the work you put in to giving Jesse the best nutrition, you're an awesome mama, and the length of time you've already breastfed him has benefited him for the rest of his life. I love you!
Andrea,
I know you already know this but I had Andrew screaming when I tried to breast feed him from the get go...only a few times did I ever get him to take milk from my breast and then half way through he'd fall of "drunk with milk" and five minutes later start screaming again and not take anymore from me. It was the most painful experience I have had as a mother and I spent a lot of time crying. I am soo amazed that you have hung on as long as you did. I understand your loss of that time with Jesse. I only had a couple of times with Andrew and it was very special. Know that you did your best!! Andrew is 8 months today and has done really well on formula. He is a strong healthy boy and very smart. I have heard that lying on your stomach in a warm bath helps the pain as the milk is drying up. What I did is pumped until my milk dried up. I am told that if the baby is not feeding off of you that your milk will only last so long and the less you pump the faster your milk should disapear.
Andrea - When I stopped nursing, I continued to pump only when I couldn't stand the pain of being so full. The first day I think I was forced to pump four times. I kept trying to hold out longer and longer between pumps. 8 hours, then 10 hours, then 13 hours, then 18 hours, etc. Finally, after 5 or six days, there was nothing left. I did have to use breast pads (like in the beginning) because of the extended times between the let-down. Doing that was also seemed to keep the pain at bay. The nurse at the hospital said that you "should" go cold turkey and it will take about 3-4 days ... but that was painful! I liked my way much better. :-)
Hope you find this helpful!
-Krista
PS - Jesse is getting so big! Just wait, it keeps getting better and better. Anna is SOOOOO much fun now. Everyday I think, I wish I could stop time and keep her like this forever ... and then I remind myself that I thought that a few weeks/months ago and now she's even more fun! Hope you find that your experience is the same.
As everyone else has already said, you are a good mommy to Jesse and have given him so much already with how you have nursed him for this long. I hope you won't beat yourself up about this. I know how it feels to lose that bonding time, though. After Becca weaned, I had be intentional about having cuddle time with her.
I would think that the pain and leaking thing is totally normal. I didn't have it too badly with Becca, but that was because when she weaned, she was already down to only nursing twice a day. Use breast pads, change them frequently, take warm showers, pump a little bit just to relieve the pressure.
Jesse is a cutie. I love the feet grabbing. Can't wait to meet him in person some day.
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